Everything's Not Lost
by sausuge
Summary: [oneshot, songfic] Kohaku doubts his place in Sesshomaru's group. [takes place after manga chapter 464, nonyaoi, no specific pairing]


**This story takes place a couple of weeks after chapter 464 in the manga, and contains major spoilers, but if you don't care, carry on...

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----Everything's Not Lost----

The orange of the flames danced merrily at the outside of the fire, free to be themselves, while the blue, the hottest part, sits eerily still inside, wishing for the freedom that the orange seemed to posses.

_When I counted up my demons  
Saw there was one for every day  
With the good ones on my shoulders  
I drove the other ones away_

Kohaku sat in silence in the camp, which was a rare thing, considering the usually rambunctious Rin, contemplating the underlined meaning of his thoughts on the fire. Usually, Kohaku was not one to complain about silence, he actually sometimes preferred it, but the silence that encompassed the camp right now was not the wonderful, comfortable silence he enjoyed, but a forced, overly quiet silence. It was the kind of silence where you feared breathing too loud, least someone hears you.

There was no apparent explanation for this silence, but for some reason it had become a more and more frequent companion to the group. It had started a few days after Kohaku was accepted into their group. Over the days, everyone (more like Rin) had less and less to say, until finally, all conversation and noise had completely ceased.

Kohaku was perplexed. Was this a normal thing for the group? Or was there some special circumstance?

Immediately Kohaku knew the answer. He had all along, but he refused to let the morbid thought surface.

It was _him_.

_He_ was the reason everyone was silent.

_So if you ever feel neglected  
And if you think that all is lost  
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah  
Hoping everything's not lost_

Kohaku couldn't expect it to be anything else. Who would want him around? He was a cursed soul. The only thing that accompanied him was death. In the most literal sense.

After the Lady of the west, mother to Sesshomaru-sama, informed the group that Kohaku could not be revived by the tensaiga, everything seemed to get duller for the others. Kohaku couldn't say the same for himself.

He hadn't expected to be saved by Sesshomaru-sama, or even for the thought to pass over the stoic lord's mind. Kohaku had raised no hopes at being saved. He had given that hope up quit a while ago.

_When you thought that it was over  
You could feel it all around  
And everybody's out to get you  
Don't you let it drag you down_

He didn't want to be saved- no. he didn't _deserve _to be saved, in his eyes. After all the people he had killed… after all the lives he had ruined… how can he live? How can he live with the guilt of those people's pleas of mercy ringing in his ears?

And so, he had stayed only for the purpose of gaining revenge on Naraku, which he knew Sesshomaru-sama could do. But now… why was he here? To ruin their lives too? It always happened. Things would seem to be getting better, and he'd get sucked back into his misery.

And so, looking up at the quiet girl, cranky imp, and morose lord, he decided.

He would leave, come sun rise…

_'Cos if you ever feel neglected  
And if you think that all is lost  
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah  
Hoping everything's not lost_

The sun had risen an hour ago, and he had left camp, to bathe before his departure. Still no one had risen, or if they had, they hadn't come for him (which was something he couldn't doubt completely.)

He stood and was tying up the last of his shoulder pads, when he heard a rustling in the bush.

He grabbed his scythe (A/N: is that what it's called???) from behind his back, where it was tucked into his sash. He stood stock still, and waited.

The rustling continued, and soon, a head popped out.

Rin's head.

_If you ever feel neglected  
If you think that all is lost  
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah  
Hoping everything's not lost_

Rin and Kohaku sat side-by-side, in silence, again, the uncomfortable silence. They hadn't said a word to each other since Rin had arrived. Not even a 'Hello'.

Kohaku was more than saddened. Why was she here if not to exile him from their group? Well… they wouldn't have to worry anymore.

"Kohaku," she started, "We- "

He interrupted her. He had to. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle being sent off by the merry little girl. He'd go off on his own, and not have to be reminded of his curse yet again.

"I'm leaving." That was all he said. All he wanted to say. He didn't want to have to go into detail…

"Why?" she seemed distressed.

"Because Rin, I'll only bring death and pain to you and Sesshomaru-sama. I can't cause the death of another person close to me. I won't be able to handle it…"

"But Kohaku…"

"No Rin. I'm only a burden. Besides, you're better off without me." Kohaku stood. Bending over to pick up his scythe, Rin managed to grab his wrist.

"Kohaku, you stupid boy! Who says you're a burden?" she glares at him, and has a look of disbelief mixed with anger in her eyes.

_Singing out  
Oh, oh, oh, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Everything's not lost_

"No one said it, but I noticed the awkward silence. I know when I don't belong Rin."

"Well you obviously don't know much!" she practically shouts at him, not in real anger, but irritation.

_So come on, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Come on, yeah  
And everything's not lost_

"What?" he asks, dumbfounded.

"Kohaku," she smiles softly, and her voice lowers into a caring tone, "you belong here. You do. We all look at you in our own way. You're our friend Kohaku, you can't leave…"

Her eye's hold a familiar sadness in them. He's seen that look before, in those same brown eyes.

His sister, Sango.

She always looked at him like that now. He hated that look. He couldn't refuse.

_Oh, oh, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
And everything's not lost_

He looked at her and smiled a small smile. He was about to say something, when he was interrupted.

"Rin, Kohaku." It was formed as a demand, not a question. It was surprising though. Kohaku looked up at Sesshomaru with widened eyes.

Sesshomaru-sama had never called him by his name before. His names usual consisted of 'boy' and other's to the liking.

"Are you ready yet?" he looked right at Kohaku, and he could have sworn he saw his eyes soften, in just the slightest.

_Come on, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Come on, yeah_

"Yes, come along Kohaku! If not for you, Rin would blather my ears off; it's much easier to ignore her when you're around." Jaken says as he emerges from the brush.

"Master Jaken!" Rin shouts back indignantly.

"Oh no, look what I've started, she remembered I was here now…" they continued on with their argument, but Kohaku was lost to his thoughts. He and his sister often used to fight that way, and he couldn't help the pang of loss in his chest.

_Come on, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Come on, yeah  
And everything's not lost_

"Come Kohaku, those two'll realize we've left them sooner or later. If not, we'll have to come back and remind them to take a break, and eat…" he turns his back, and starts on his way, but Kohaku its too shocked to immediately follow. Two amazing things just happened, in terms of the lord Sesshomaru: he used slang (err… conjunctions), AND humor, all in the same sentence.

Kohaku chuckles to himself, and starts after Sesshomaru.

_Sing out, yeah  
Oh, oh, yeah  
Come on, yeah  
And everything's not lost_

Maybe he had a different reason for staying with them after all…

_Come on, yeah  
Oh, oh yeah  
Sing out, yeah  
And everything's not lost…

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**I do not own inuyasha, or 'Everything's not lost' by: Coldplay**

**R&R please.**


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